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_____ART OF LIVING______________________________________

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the
devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person
who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are
alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family,
pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your
refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is
unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the
next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every
opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

- Dr.Hari, Rotary Club of Mavelikara, Dist. 3210


_____BANTER____________________________________________

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA


The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Google
My searches to refine.
The reply from them was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!

--Author Unknown


_____COMPUTERS________________________________________

WORD WEB
Nice free dictionary/thesaurus produced by Princeton University.
Download it at: http://www.download.com/WordWeb/3000-2079_4-10341450.html


_____QUOTES_____________________________________________


GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT WOMEN

Inside every older lady is a younger lady - wondering what the hell happened
- Cora Harvey Armstrong

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually
shut her up with cookies.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
- Helen Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
- Janette Barber

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
- Laurie Kuslansky

_____SMILE_____________________________________________

AOL EMAIL LADIES PAGE

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline
irrational.
A: So what's your question?


_____TIME______________________________________________

OVER PLAN YOUR DAY

“If you want to get something done, give it to a busy person.” The more
you plan to do, the more you can get done because you take advantage
of Parkinson’s Law which says, in part, that a project tends to expand
with the time allocated for it.

If you have one thing to do for the day, it will take all day. If you
have three things to do for the day, you’ll get all three done. If
you have twelve things to get done for the day, you might not get all
twelve done, but probably will get nine completed.

Having a lot to do creates a healthy sense of pressure on you and
you automatically become a better time manager.


_____TRIVIA____________________________________________

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee .
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out
to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before
it starves to death.
(Creepy.)


_____WHY?_____________________________________________

*How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?

*Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

*Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet
the mom weighs 30 lbs more?

*Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?

*Why don't the security guards at airports go through airport security
when they get to work?


_____ZEN_______________________________________________

LOVE THROUGH THE EYES OF CHILDREN

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4
to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were
broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you
think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails any more. So my grandfather does it for her all the
time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca -
age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You
know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your chips
without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4


_____AND FINALLY_______________________________________

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."


Cheers!